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Upped my Pristiq to 100mg, taking 50mg of Seroquel  as well...if things don't improve Kirsten said she might need to put me on a benzo and possibly look at Lithium.

Things have been home so my mind decided it was safe enough to feel the stress...add to that my PMDD stuff and yeah, I haven't felt this bad in a long while. Actually contemplated seeing the GP for something to get me through to today.

Back on weekly apt with Kirsten while we find something that works. The team still aren't sure if I have depression or a form of bipolar so upping my meds needs to be monitored.

I've averaged about 3hrs sleep a night so my concentration is pretty crap. I keep forgetting if I've eaten or not.


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Ahh budgeting...I lose 75% of my income this week on bills (exc. food and formula). Sigh. I have a wedding to attend and Tim's birthday coming up.

If Tim stopped "negging himself out" each day on-site we'd possibly be right. I know the job suck ass (it's why I'm helping him find something better) but I need him to at least try. He spent most of Thursday bitching about the site conditions - can't stand or talk to people to pitch.

I'm fixing up his resume now...based on the advice i was given on mine

(no subject)

You can do this!
I have to use pain relief to exercise, too. But, I think water based exercises will really help. I've not lost weight yet but the increased exercise has helped with my pain levels  (bonus).
Ooh and if you use a heated pool...its like heaven for sore joints. The movement loosens them and the warmth helps ease stiffness.

Try and be kind to yourself ♡


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So... stocks of Lilah's formula are low. All pharmacies in our area are out of her normal one. We have to start her on the next stage (wasn't planning on swapping her to stage 2) as that is all that is available.

There aren't any others she can have and my milk has dried up...


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I am waiting for my ice cream buzz to kick in. Lilah's illness has thrown my study plans. I am doing a 'night before' cram. I will say that having 3 exams to prepare for has reaffirmed why I need to do a part-time load. Because my first exam was on Thursday afternoon and my next one is monday morning, I have not dedicated study days. I've been rewatching lectures while Lilah sleeps on my lap.

I feel ok with:
binary and other bases
computational representation
Sets and Relations

I haven't had much chance to practice:
Boolean algebra
Graph theory

I spent those study days up at appointments trying to get Lilah to turn.

I am going to make use of the fact that we can have a typed double sided page of notes. I may try and shrink 2 pages onto 1 so I can get the most out of my notes. I do love the course material and wish I had more time to study. Unfortunately, this is a deferred exam so I cannot change the time again.
books, read, study

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So, it turns out I had enrolled in semester 2 earlier in the year...and forgot I did it. I'm taking:

Introduction to Software Engineering

On completion of this course students will be able to:

  1. use graphical system description languages for system specification;

  2. demonstrate awareness of the major design strategies and architectures available for designing software systems;

  3. design appropriate program test strategies;

  4. demonstrate familiarity with methods for planning and managing large software projects.

Software Development Tools

On completion of this course students will be able to:

  1. demonstrate the ability to use a range of software development tools;

  2. be familiar with the Unix/Linux operating systems and facilities.

Nerdy goodness to keep my brain occupied. I am looking at buying a laptop (not a notebook this time as they don't have the computing power).

I might actually keep studying my discrete maths stuff as well. Semester 2 starts 21 July so it gives me something while I wait for the study material to pop up. Plus I can gauge to see how study with 2 kids goes

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Nap time is my favourite time of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out and spending time with the kids. But, this down time keeps me sane.

I'm 28! It feels strange but every year more and more distance is placed between my chaotic life then and my less chaotic life now.

I got myself some new clothes. Leggings are quite comfortable to wear...but silly me grabbed the 3/4 length. I got some money for my birthday from mum so I might update my wardrobe. I'm hoping having nice clothes will help calm the desire to fast track the weight loss. I know Tim will be supportive (even if we have absolutely no space in our WIR). I might ask him to drive me to the shops on a Monday while Ethan is at daycare.
ethan necklace
Remember how I got Ethan a necklace for Christmas....guess what he found. He still loves it and has a better idea on what it is and how to wear it. He is at such an adorable crazy, silly, loving baby boy.
lilah dressLilahlilah and ethan

My baby girl.

(no subject)

Trying to study...My body is so sore today so I've had some strong painkillers. If I am heading towards labour soon, I want to rest as much as I can. I'm watching the last lecture I can access - guy is 2 weeks behind with recordings :/

I'm really struggling to eat - in a weird twist (for someone who had/has bulimia nervosa) I'm scared to eat because I don't want to vomit. I've upped my Sustagen intake as I can handle liquid nutrition. I do try to eat but often I just worries Tim as I've noticed my body shape shrinking and I've still only gained 5kg at 37 weeks. By my BMI the recommendation is 9kg.

I got a call from the antenatal clinic...I don't have Whooping Cough! I have coughing spasms that can end with me vomiting (lots of spewing here). So it's a post-viral cough.

Tim's still not ok :( We got the windscreen fixed...$474. It really threw him as he did so many extra hours and the money is now gone. His EBA is due to expire soon...I'm hoping the union and/or Coles apply to extend the agreement while they are still finialising the new agreement. Tim's worried it will revert to national standards (he gets paid above award rates). That plus the threat of DSP reforms and he's panicking. I've been tentatively looking at part-time work. I don't think I'm going to be subject to review - I avoided the last set because my child is under 6. But...My medical assessment was performed by Dr C, a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in PTSD/DID (although we didn't put DID as he felt it would lead to more issues) and EDs. I am satisfying my requirements by voluntarily studying part-time. I was deemed unable to work more than 8hrs a week. It seems they are going to start with people who were reviewed by the GP...yeah, I am only 27 and have a mental illness - but I don't think I am their target.

I want to work. I can't wait until I get further in my studies and feel comfortable applying for IT based jobs. IT is generally a seated position, which works well for my f-ed up back and pelvis. Doesn't carry a lot of emotion in the tasks (like youth work did) so it's unlikely to trigger a PTSD response. It's an interest I've had since I was a kid. I made a promise to Kirsten that I wouldn't just resign myself to a life on a pension. I promised I'd study while on a pension, when I was able to.

Minimum wage is $622 a week. I'm on $200-400/ft (that excludes my FTA+B)... living the high life there.